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A heap of gay

Location: The Cravat
Time: Out of time

Seeing Gabe and Jeannot emerging from within the closet with the cot, Watson took hold of the center section. "Do you mind if I assist you?" He asked, all calm British cordiality.

Comments

mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 01:08 am (UTC)
The sound of Gabe's voice brought Jeannot back to himself, and he quieted, but pulled away from Gabe's soft kisses, unable to bear such tenderness at the moment. Those gentle kisses reminded him so forcefully of what he had left behind-- Jeannot's fingers tightened involuntarily in Gabe's hair, and he had to force himself to unclench his hands so as not to pull his lover's hair painfully. Closing his eyes, Jeannot lost himself again in the feel of teeth and lips on his skin, pushing everything else aside.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 01:32 am (UTC)
Gabe felt a tug as Jeannot's hands tighted slightly in his hair and he lifted one of his hands to cover one of Jeannot's. "What is it?" he asked softly, whispering the words into his lover's chest.
mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 01:59 am (UTC)
Jeannot tensed at Gabe's voice, holding tight to him for a moment before forcing himself to relax his fingers. "I'm sorry," he said softly, not answering the question. "Don't stop. Please," he begged, his desperation giving his voice a sharp edge before he noticed and quelled it, ashamed. "Please," he repeated, softer. "Don't care for me, amant. Not right now." Jeannot shut his eyes tight, willing himself to block out everything, to keep the pain at bay.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 02:29 am (UTC)
Gabe paused, torn. He wanted to comfort his love, if he really needed comforting, and Gabe suspected he did, but he also wanted to do as Jeannot asked, as he'd promised he would. Hearing Jeannot say 'amant,' though, made him stop. Perhaps he was being overly semantical, but the fact that Jeannot hadn't even used 'amour' worried him. He lifted his head and looked Jeannot straight in the eyes. "I can't help it," he said, almost ashamed.
mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 02:41 am (UTC)
Gabe's words made Jeannot go still, his last defenses abandoning him. He hesitantly opened his eyes, only to see Gabe looking at him with tenderness and concern, and the sight was too much for him. Jeannot turned his face away, the grief and despair hitting him like a punch to the gut, and he leaned on Gabe's shoulder as the tears came. He wept like a child, clinging to his lover, angry with himself, with Gabe, with Alexandre, with the world -- all unreasonably. He could say nothing, explain nothing to Gabe, and this of all things made him feel the sick twist of guilt in his stomach.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 02:50 am (UTC)
Gabe closed his eyes as Jeannot buried his head in his shoulder, feeling terrible that he'd elicited that kind of reaction and tentatively wrapped his arms around his love, scared of being pushed away. "I'm sorry," he said, lamely. "I didn't mean--I just--oh, shit." He gave up trying to speak and chewed on his bottom lip nervously, holding Jeannot a little closer. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 04:21 am (UTC)
Jeannot scarcely noticed Gabe's words, simply clinging to him as the wave of guilt and sorrow swept over him, as though he were a boat foundering at sea. He lacked the strength to make any decision at all, or even to lift his head from Gabe's shoulder, where his tears fell onto his lover's skin.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 08:18 pm (UTC)
Gabe lifted one hand to gently stroke the back of Jeannot's head. "Jean?" he asked, quietly, not really hoping for a response. "I love you." After that he stood silently, knowing there was nothing he could do but let his love cry.
mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 08:56 pm (UTC)
Hearing Gabe's assurance of love, Jeannot tried to pull himself together enough to reply. "Je te--" he managed to whisper into Gabe's shoulder, but he couldn't finish the sentence, his throat closing up against the last word. Ashamed that he couldn't say it, frightened what Gabe would think, he shuddered and pressed closer to his comforting presence.

How long they stood like this Jeannot couldn't have said, but at the end his tears had run dry, and he shivered a bit from cold, despite Gabe's arms wrapped around him protectively. At last he raised his head carefully from his lover's shoulder, not sure what kind of reaction to expect from Gabe. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not daring to meet Gabe's eyes, focusing on the empty air just beside his lover's head. "I'm so sorry, aimé."
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
Gabe shook his head and stroked Jeannot's cheek, wiping off a tear or two. "Don't be, please," he said, leaning in to gently kiss the spot he'd just touched. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed. I should've just..." He paused and kissed Jeannot's cheek again. "I don't really know what I should have done, but this wasn't it." He shook his head again. "No, it definitely wasn't. I'm to one who should be sorry."
mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 09:47 pm (UTC)
"No," Jeannot told him, wanting to make Gabe understand that it was he who was at fault, he who was guilty. "You have done nothing wrong," he whispered, finally meeting Gabe's eyes, though he was still so afraid. "If you love me, mon coeur, do not apologize." Jeannot sighed and was silent for a moment, closing his eyes, feeling the reassuring beat of Gabe's heart close to his own. "I should not do this to you, Gabe," he said at last, finally able to keep his voice from shaking. "Not to you, mon amour. If you knew--" He stopped short, a tremor of pain and remorse running through him, fearful of what Gabe would think of him if he knew everything.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 10:18 pm (UTC)
"If I knew, I'd still love you," Gabe replied without hesitation. There were more than a few unpleasant things in his past, he knew, that he would be reluctant to tell anyone and didn't ask anything more. After a moment of silence he pulled slightly away. "Are you cold? Tired?" he asked, remembering his love's shivers from before. "I can find sheets for the cot, if you like, and blankets. It's been a long day, and perhaps rest would be best for both of us."
mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 10:37 pm (UTC)
Jeannot nodded, beyond caring about cold or weariness, but willing to do anything if Gabe thought it was best. "Yes," he murmured, and clung to Gabe for another moment before letting him go with a sigh. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out to catch Gabe's hand, needing him to know what he was thinking. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "I won't do it anymore. I know you love me, and that you can't-- you can't. I only--" Jeannot looked down. "I only wanted to forget," he whispered, ashamed of his weakness.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 10:48 pm (UTC)
Gabe looked at Jeannot curiously, not quite understanding. "I can't what?" he asked kindly, not letting go of Jeannot's hand. He lifted the other one to touch his love's cheek, gently tilting his head up so he could look him in the eyes. "I can't what, bel?"
mouette_mots
Jan. 16th, 2007 11:13 pm (UTC)
"You can't--" Jeannot took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying hard to control himself. He was still frightened of what Gabe would think of him, if he knew the things that Jeannot had done, but he had to say them, if only so that Gabe knew what kind of person he truly was. "You love me, and so you can't help me to-- to--" He gripped Gabe's hand tightly, letting the words out in a rush. "To do penance for leaving Alexandre. To hurt me so that I can forget that he never did, to hurt me as much as I hurt him--" Jeannot bit his lip hard and stared at the floor, afraid to face Gabe's disgust. "What I've done, Gabe..." He shivered again, feeling dirty, not worthy of any regard, let alone love, from this man. "I have gone to the darkest sections of Paris," he whispered, shivering with each word, but unable to stop talking, "and found men who frightened me, and let them do-- anything they would--" He unconsciously touched a hand to his cheek, remembering. "Let strangers fuck me," he continued, his voice gone hoarse. "Let them hurt me, in penance for the pain I caused him." Jeannot shivered again and dropped Gabe's hand, afraid of contaminating him with his sin.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 16th, 2007 11:49 pm (UTC)
"Sometimes," Gabe said calmly, his voice not betraying the seeds of panick that were beginning to sprout, and took back Jeannot's hand. "I wonder if you really know who you're talking to." He lifted his love's hand to his mouth. "I don't mind," he whispered, kissing it once. "So long as I don't become one of those strangers." With that he took a step forward and embraced Jeannot, hoping he wouldn't pull away. He bowed his head, waiting for a reaction, a rejection, anything. He knew he'd been used before, just as he'd used others. Hell, even Caleb had used him, after Derek died, just to try to forget. But to have come so far, to love someone this much, only to have been a just another stranger in his bed?

He didn't know what he'd do, and as hard as he tried not to think about it, he couldn't stop.
mouette_mots
Jan. 17th, 2007 12:11 am (UTC)
Jeannot went tense in Gabe's arms, uncertain whether his lover truly meant it. After a moment, seeing that Gabe was not letting go, he sighed and went limp with relief, hugging Gabe tightly, tears coming to his eyes once more. "You, Gabe?" he whispered. "You? You could never be a stranger. You can't." He pulled back to look Gabe in the eye. "Because you love me," he told him, clinging to this belief as the only thing he was really sure of, anymore. He shook his head, wondering why Gabe didn't despise him, after learning that. "You shouldn't love me," he whispered. "I will hurt you, as I hurt him. I have hurt you. I don't know how not to." Jeannot bit his lip again, forcing himself to concentrate, and not to break down again. "You deserve a better man than me, aimé," he whispered.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 17th, 2007 12:26 am (UTC)
Gabe closed his eyes, relieved, when Jeannot relaxed in his embrace. He opened them again as Jeannot pulled back slightly and was glad to see his love's blue eyes looking into his. "If there's a better man than you, bel," Gabe replied. "I've never met him." He leaned in and kissed Jeannot softly, barely lingering for a second. "Besides," he said, smiling. "I can deal with a little pain, so long as I don't have to deal with it alone."
mouette_mots
Jan. 17th, 2007 02:26 am (UTC)
"I won't leave you alone," Jeannot promised Gabe, tightening his arms around his lover, never wanting to let him go at all. "I won't. But don't let me hurt you, aimé," he whispered into Gabe's ear. "Don't let me hurt you, even if it is only because I love you." He sighed and laid his head down on Gabe's shoulder, weary to the bone, but unwilling to let him go for any reason, just now. "I love you," he repeated quietly, and closed his eyes, the remnants of his tears drying on his cheeks.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 17th, 2007 02:54 am (UTC)
"Je t'aime, aussi?" Gabe said, hesitantly, and then laughed at himself, softly. "That was wrong, wasn't it?" he asked. "Oh well. I love you, and it's the thought that counts." He realized he was probably babbling and quieted himself, contented just to look at Jeannot for a moment, though his concern at the weariness on his face soon had him speaking again. "Would you like to lie down, bel? Like I said, I can get sheets and blankets and things if you want them."
mouette_mots
Jan. 17th, 2007 03:14 am (UTC)
Jeannot wanted nothing more than to agree to Gabe's suggestion, but he couldn't face letting go of him, at the moment, and tightened his grasp on his lover at the thought. "Whatever you like, aimé," he murmured into Gabe's neck, snuggling closer to him, feeling as though he wouldn't need a bed to sleep. "As long as you hold me." He wasn't thinking about anything beside the necessity to stay in Gabe's arms, where he would be warm and safe and secure, as though he had always belonged there.
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 17th, 2007 03:28 am (UTC)
Gabe smiled. "I like holding you," he replied, quite seriously. "I love it, in fact, but eventually I'm going to fall over."
mouette_mots
Jan. 17th, 2007 03:36 am (UTC)
"Then I'll fall with you," Jeannot said softly, but he shifted slightly away from Gabe, so that he wasn't leaning on him quite so much. He took a deep breath and managed a smile for his love. "I suppose we ought to dress our bed, then, mon amour," he murmured. "Where can we find the blankets, do you think?"
kissingmyelbow
Jan. 17th, 2007 11:30 pm (UTC)
"Probably in the closet," Gabe replied, glad to see Jeannot smiling, even if he suspected it was faked. "Everything else in the world seems to be there." He leaned in and kissed Jeannot's forehead softly. "I can run down there alone," he said. "I'm at least a little dressed." He paused. "If you don't mind being alone for a minute or two?"
mouette_mots
Jan. 18th, 2007 12:00 am (UTC)
Inexplicably frightened for a moment, Jeannot tightened his grip on Gabe at the thought of separating from him. He was immediately ashamed at it and made himself let go of his lover, berating himself for being childish. "I don't mind," he said, doing his best to convince himself of that fact. He stepped back to prove that he could, that he was strong enough, and gave Gabe another smile, strained though it was. "I don't suppose there is such a thing as a sketchbook and a set of charcoals to go with the paints, in that closet," he said softly, "but if you find anything-- paper, pencil, ink, anything, will you bring it?"
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